Thoughts on Sad Days

I've been kinda down the past few weeks and writing is a release for me. These are just random thoughts & comments I have on nothing particular but very particular-all at the same time! My style of writing is kinda all over the place in this blog; Read further if you'd like. :)

I have always seemed to live in a bubble. In my bubble people are kind, loving, and honest people. There is no war. People are not killing each other just to kill. There are no financial problems. And friends are friends forever; they don't stab each other in the back. Unfortunately for me, I lived in this bubble for close to 21 years! Sounds silly that I would be so naive but it's true. That being said the past 2 or 3 years I've been figuring out how people, friends, and life really are! So, here is my outlook on a few things:

LOVE
When I was a little girl I thought that once I hit a certain age I would find a perfect man, fall in love, and get married. And then I hit my teen years...and like the switch of a light, I just stopped believing in love. I look back now on my failed marriage and I don't know if I loved him or if I loved the thought of being in love. I would give anything to be find someone to love me the way my parents love each other. I think that the word love is all too commonly used but not meant. I can honestly say that I only tell people I love them if I REALLY do! It has always been really easy for me to tell my friends and family that I love them but boyfriends...waaay hard. I have built such a wall around my heart that it's hard for me to even CARE about someone let alone LOVE someone. I'm not sure I'm capable of loving a man the way I do in my day dreams. I think that love has almost become a trend. Something that is "cool" for a while and then tossed to the curb like a piece of garbage.

Marriage

Wow, what a crock of (I guess I'll keep it PG) crap! Marriage has become nothing more than a piece of paper. People compare marriage to funerals...I've been guilty of doing so. But why is it that over the generations marriage has become such taboo? I have walked down the aisle once. We were young, we fought, and instead of working through our problems we simply got divorced. I don't believe my ex and I were soul mates and we probably jumped the gun on the whole marriage thing BUT it's sad that divorce was no big thing and was so easily done. And why is it that us women and sometimes men feel the need to get married soo young or soo soon! Is 3 months of knowing someone really long enough?!? I know a man who lived with his ex for over 2 years, got married, and lasted less than 6 months!? Why is that? Do people really change that much when we get married? Do people get married just to say they are married? Is getting married really that important? Are people really capable of loving just 1 person, and spending the rest of their lives with that 1 person? I probably won't ever really know the answers to my questions but these are some things to think about before you tie the knot. I personally don't ever want to re-marry but hopefully there is hope for the romantics out there!

Trust, Lies, & Cheating

At a very young age I learned that trust is not something that is given but earned. As a young teen, I had friend after friend stab me in the back. I was by no means perfect but once stabbed in the back I could never bring myself to do so to anyone! I've never trusted people in general but it's sad when you can't even trust your friends. I have a total of maybe 3 friends that I can guinuenly trust...that's just sad! lol. The reason my circle of trusted friends is so small leads me to lies. Why is it that lying is SOOOO much easier than telling the truth. I personally would rather hear the truth and cry or be upset than be lied to! I have told this to friends & boyfriends time and time again but still I am constantly lied to. Maybe it's because I am naive? And if it's so easy to lie to someone that cares, loves, or trusts you it must be really easy to cheat. I think cheating is the most disgusting/terrible thing you could ever do to someone. Is it really so hard to tell your spouse or significant other that you are interested in someone else and no longer pursue a relationship??? I once read an article about why it is so hard for men/women to stay faithful now-a-days. Here is the Cliffs Notes Version: Men/Women do not save them selves for marriage anymore. Therefore, they have "test drove other cars" and know the difference between each "car". So when they are unsatisfied with one "car" why not go back to another one or why not test drive another one just to see if it's better. How sad but true is that! As much as I've prided myself on not cheating, I have been cheated on right beneath my nose.


These few topics are a few I'm most sad about these days. I guess I have too much time on my hands in order to constantly think about these subjects! lol. But that's just the way I feel. If you got this far, I hope you enjoyed my random thoughts and feel free to post back your feelings. I'm still learning about this whole blogging thing so bare with me as I learn!

Good Night!